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[boneitis]

 

moreau.jeffrey@cdc.org
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d107

[forgivetheinsubordination]

[After the stampede, when Garrus has had time to look for a few names on the directory.]

FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org

Orange, hm? Just couldn't manage to hold it together enough for Green?

[boneitis]

Maybe these guys just finally realized that I'm too damn pretty to be stuck with you jarheads.

Try not to miss me too much, Vakarian. I've left for greener pastures that involve fewer bullets to the face.

[forgivetheinsubordination]

FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org

I think they realized that you didn't have a chance of surviving. That you needed to be tucked safely behind the scenes.

You should hide behind Noh-Varr. He's Orange, and unlike you, he can take it.

[boneitis]

I'm being placed to my strengths, and that happens to involve not being cannon fodder. So yeah, I'm not seeing anything to be upset about here.

And shit, Vakarian, TMI. I don't need to hear about what you and your boytoy get up to.

[forgivetheinsubordination]

Don't worry. We'll get you in shape.

And no comment.

[Maybe that'll be taken as a joke. Maybe.]

[boneitis]

why do i have the weirdest sense of foreboding right now

[forgivetheinsubordination]

Because both Shepard and I are here, and now we know that you can get some physical training in without snapping in half.

You might wanna start trying to make friends with people who give massages. I hear they help sore humans.

[boneitis]

Wow you know that sounds awesome

But I think I'm gonna have to take a raincheck

for about half past never

[forgivetheinsubordination]

You're here. Not a single Normandy crew member who got recruited has died. We're gonna make sure that stays the case.

Even if Shepard and I have to drag you screaming into it.

Welcome to the CDC. When would you like to run your first lap?

[boneitis]

Sorry, Garrus, you already missed me running my first mile.

Guess your scrapbook is going to be ruined.

But seriously, let's not get carried away here. It's cute or whatever

that you and Shepard are all gung-ho to get me ready to defeat the Huns, but I'm not a marine. I can shoot a gun and run a little bit, I don't need to be able to punch a mech's face in or something.

[forgivetheinsubordination]

Last time around Orange had some coverage, but not a lot.

Don't share this with anyone with a grey cuff, there's a gag order, but they planted bombs last mission, when you were with me. And they had to deal with neraki while doing that.

We're all on the field here, Joker. You can handle a gun. I've seen it. But I wanna know you've got yourself fully covered just in case.

[boneitis]

[No, Garrus, stop being right. He hates it when other people are right.]

Fine.

I'll talk to Shepard about it.

[forgivetheinsubordination]

I'll talk with her too.

[boneitis]

What, you don't trust me, craterface? I'm hurt.

[forgivetheinsubordination]

I trust you fine at the helm.

I also trust that she could use a hand with you.

[boneitis]

are you accusing me of insubordination, vakarian?

because it sounds like you're accusing me of insubordination

and i'll have you know that

[There is about a thirty second pause.]

yeah no actually that's a reasonable accusation. carry on.

[forgivetheinsubordination]

That's what I thought.

Let me know if you need anything. I know you guys are probably short on some supplies.

[boneitis]

i'm gonna say that none of this is happening while we're ankle deep in flood water

not unless we're going to be doing this in wellingtons and ponchos

actually that would be hilarious if drowning weren't a serious possibility

[forgivetheinsubordination]

Really tired of all of the water, I gotta say.

But don't you guys have a saying about it? Hell or high water? There's always training.

[boneitis]

once we're back someplace with like

a real gym

mats on the floors and everything

then how about we think about starting whatever bootcamp from hell you have planned

because in case you didn't notice, you're starting from pretty much the ground up here

[forgivetheinsubordination]

In case you didn't notice, this world doesn't really wait for anyone to get settled.

I don't wanna put you through hell. I wanna keep you around.

We had a dragon, Joker. An actual, talking, smart, fighting, dragon. The neraki took him out.

I can't turn you into a turian soldier, I can't even guarantee turian military skills will keep me alive. But it improves the odds.

[boneitis]

and like i said i'll talk to shepard

but i'm just saying that starting me off running in ankle deep water is a real good way for me to break my ankle

and i mean i know i've had practice

but broken bones are not as sexy as i make them look

[forgivetheinsubordination]

If that's your definition of sexy, I really never want to see you trying seductive. On anyone. Ever.

I'll probably be able to hear the screams from miles away.

How about we start with push ups?

[boneitis]

sarcasm, vakarian. sarcasm.

also wow, now i know for sure how you survived that missile to the face

you have the density of a black hole

i will talk to shepard about it. shepard will be the person that i will talk to, and the person of the talking will be shepard. clear enough yet?

[forgivetheinsubordination]

Right back at you, Moreau. Nobody thinks screaming in pain is sexy.

Except maybe the vorcha.

How about you're already talking to me so why not get two helpers for the price of one?